Breaking Patterns

A migraine knocked me on my ass last week. I’ve been getting them more frequently. The last time this phenomenon happened was in college.

As I laid in my house in darkness most of the week, I was forced to ruminate over why the migraines are occurring again. I came to the realization that this bitch doesn’t ask for help. By no means is this a new realization.

So, let’s regroup. In the last six or so months, I’ve:

I think that’s it. Oh wait, yeah, I quit drinking. My one true coping mechanism. Big f*ckin’ surprise that my migraines have returned.

Through all of these changes, I have not asked for help. While many have offered to help with this magazine, my response has been, “Well, I can’t pay you right now and I can’t have you work for me without being able to pay you.” I’m stubborn like that. After spending many a year freelancing, and people offering to pay me with a byline, (“Hi, um, that won’t pay my rent and I’d be getting that anyway.”) it’s difficult for me to tell people, “I might be able to pay you someday, but now is not that day.”

I don’t know how to accept generosity. I don’t know how to accept people believing in me. But I know I can’t make this magazine a success all on my own. It’s like the one CEO I ghostwrote for used to say, “You can have it all, if you don’t do it all.”

And with that, in the coming issues, you will start seeing the work of other talented writers and photographers in our state. Those who have been on my side since I started this little journey who are true angels in this world.

It’s difficult to admit, but I can’t do this alone, no matter how much I want to prove to myself that I can. I’m so grateful for the outpouring of support from the musicians and other artists in our community. I wouldn’t be on this journey without you.

Much love,

Sonja O.

Editor-in-chief, SoDak Music Magazine

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